Life Of Jess

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Saturday, September 23, 2006

7:07PM - just todays feelings and thoughts

in the last week i've been having these bad dreams about my boyfriend cheating on me... i wake up in tears everytime...

my boyfriend brought me a ring... nothing speical just a ring...

n now i'm having dreams that i lose it...

i've looked up these dreams and it's meant to mean that i will lose him, and that i need to detach myself from the object i lose...

but i don't know if i could handle either of those things...

i would break... i would end up back to where i was before he meet me... just on the other side of my country...

i love him with all my heart... i can't imagen my life without him... but these dreams are making me think it...

and if that's not bad enough we have been having huge fights... over some stupid things and some things that are huge to me when he thinks i'm just overracting.. it's breaking my heart... and i just dont know what to do...
he wouldnt cheat on me... he's just not that type but my head is screwing with me making me think the worst...

i wish i could make it stop...



What do you want?
Someone please make this stop,
I dont want to fall again,
Everything is going so wrong,
Just too much pain.
Where do I go from here?
What must i do?
My heart is breaking,
But I love you.
I'm fallen so fast right here,
what do you want from me?
I'm not perfect i'm such a mess,
Who do you want me to be?

Current mood: depressed

Current music: breaking benjamin

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Saturday, September 16, 2006

Saturday, September 9, 2006

10:41PM

umm.. :( interesting week.. :( peter brock died... my hero.. my idol.. :( made me cry, steve irwin died.. such a shock.. he's poor family.. and i quit my job.. i got engaged.. and now looking at moving out of where i'm living... lol

it's been a big week.. had 3 interviews... went to a 1 yr olds birthday party.. find out my mum's going to hospital in 4 days.. and yeah...

people leaving... people changing..

my best mate sarah freo went away for 12 days took her to the air port last night.. we love airports.. yes we are weird but it's cool...

sarah chibi has come back in my life.. i've known her her whole life we were so close, close as sisters... then had huge fights...

i no longer have a job.. :( so i am broke... and that's not good...

I'm engaged... it's the best thing that's happened ever... i want to marry this guy... :)

um.. n now i'm listening to the used.. and want to put on afi... which isnt a good thing.. means somethings up.. i'm lonely... i want friends... :( i dont know... i just have to stop being me...

Current mood: confused

Current music: yesterday's feelings, The Used

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Saturday, July 29, 2006

7:01PM - blah but happy for a day off

saturday is almost over and i'm happy cos it means i get a day of before having to go back to work.. yay.. but will be stressing bout the $50 i'm down in cash.. :( hope i can find it... :( so bad....

anyway... i'm at photocoffee (glenn's work) just spending time with him... keeping him sane... bets being at home right now... but wish i was watching gilmore girls... i brought the first session and i'm in love i really am... will be buying the second session this week.. :) me hope.. :)

umm well i'm sitting here n the stupid AFL is on... (Eagles just won) HAPPY....

i want to sleep.. but wont be going home till around 10pm... :) but that's ok...
at least i'm spending time with glenn... (i'm getting a ring... a special ring.. :-) heheheh)

ummm not much else to say.. havnt heard from sarah freo yet.. am worried bout her... and umm

ohh yeah i'm going to the movies tomorrow with the young step brothers and probably glenn.. :)

ummm not much else to say at the moment

Current mood: sleepy

Current music: none

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Wednesday, July 26, 2006

1:37PM - stupid day..

went to work. but came home after being there less then an 3 hours.. :( was feeling sick.. want to throw up. want to cry. want to stop being a women.. bloodly pms... really bad this month...

anyway... so i'm sitting at home in my bed... aching... probably go have red rooster for lunch soon... although it's now 20 to 2pm.. but i don't really care.. will be having a late dinner at mum's tonight anyway... will be going there to get outta this stupid house away from the house mates gf.. the one i dont like... ya...

things are a bit better in my head.. just so tired

Current mood: sore

Current music: three days grace

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Tuesday, July 25, 2006

6:50PM - whatever

whatever just whatever... i dont care...

Current mood: pissed off

Current music: nothing... keeping quiet

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3:39PM - this isnt home... just a house i live in.

i feel alone, i feel depressed, i feel lost, i feel like a lie... i feel used, i feel hopeself... i feel just like normal again...

Current mood: lonely

Current music: taking back sunday

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Monday, July 24, 2006

9:31PM - just another day

i feel numb... my life is stuck.. the only good thing with my life is glenn, and probably my relationship with my parents and brother has never been this good..

but work... is just shit... i'm stuck in a dead end job... and i'm only 20... i want to do something i love... my brother is 17 and he's got a full time job and he loves it... he loves his job...

besides from that i don't know.. i just feel so numb...

Current mood: blah

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Wednesday, July 19, 2006

9:10PM - bed??

i'm so ready to go to bed... glenn was meant to come and watch tv 40 mins ago... :( but he's to busy playing cs... (counter strike) with our house mate mitch... (nerds) anyway... i'm stuck with noob and his gf.. (who i don't really like... either of them..)

Current mood: tired

Current music: just house

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Saturday, July 15, 2006

5:24PM - big nite

Last night me and 3 friends went to the hotel/apartments/everything... :) and were treated like vip.. :) it was great.. our room was upsized, we got free drinks, we got free dinner and free breakfast.. :) and got driven everywhere... :) it was great.. i loved it... i felt like a star.. :) or someone important.. :)

but i only had one drink... just had a hugh headache.. (which i still have)

Current mood: tired

Current music: tv

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Thursday, July 13, 2006

12:19PM - feeling trapped

i feel like i'm trapped... i love being here and at the same time i don't want to be here... i want to be here to be with glenn but i hate them being here... i didnt think i'd have had this much of a problem as i've had...but anyway... so yeah...

yeah... so i felt really trapped at home... and had to get out.. so i went shopping and got 3 new tops and a dress... which is weird cos normally i'm not a girlie girl.. :) but yeah it looks good so yeah.. i needed a dress for tomorrow nite... me and a few friends are having a girls nite... :) we are going to a really cool hotel... called the vines... :) it's gonna be great... :)

Current mood: moody

Current music: watching tv

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Wednesday, July 12, 2006

5:15PM - just another boring day..

had a boring day today.. didnt get up till 10.. and then was stuck with our new house mates gf... joy.... cos he had to go to training...

i'm bored pissed off and just tired..

Current mood: annoyed

Current music: watching tv

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Tuesday, July 11, 2006

8:52PM - tired and feeling sick

well i'm sitting on the couch and am so tired... glad i can sleep in 2morrow... (yay) the guys are running around doing the finishing touchs to the computers for the company... :) so cute...
my head's spinning and i think i should put away my laptop for a while...

Current mood: blah

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1:46PM - YAY... MY FRIGDE IS HERE...

yeh.. i brought a fridge and dryer from work.. and they are here.. YAY...
well that's all have a good day..

Current mood: bouncy

Current music: none

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Monday, July 10, 2006

5:36PM - yay, six day's off.

Hey all,
Well today was monday.. yay... i have until next monday off... i'm so happy...
the new guy at work is good... :) but i'm gonna miss hayden and jemima.. :( but i know they want to go... and i guess jemima will be back in a yr or so... and now nat's leaving in 3 weeks too... :( it's sad...

umm what else... i'm bored... tired... umm i dont know what else to write.. i'm just tired today...

Current mood: blank

Current music: watching the news

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Sunday, July 9, 2006

3:40PM - day three,

I'll probably get bored off call the titles day one, day two, very soon but for now it means i don't have to think... i'm just sitting around at home... ohh it's been awhile since i've done this...
at lunch i went and did shopping... and spent $300 on food and crap.. :S i'm sure that's bad.. but we all need to eat right... i feel like sleeping.. but shouldnt so wont.. it's been a short day... but it feels so long... one more day of work (tomorrow) and then at least i'll have 6 days off.. :) a miny holiday... :) i'm looking forward to sleeping lol...

i'm so tired...

i'm sitting here listening to punk gone 8o's, punk gone pop, and the rest of them... hehehe... i'm so sad.. but yeah i love them...

i'm going crazy inside my mind... i dont want to eat and i want to just stop alot of things need to get control over my life... or lose control.. not to sure... but yeah... i just so tired...
next song...

i'm just tired... i want to yawn... lol... i did... just thinking bout it made me..

Current mood: blah

Current music: unfaithful, rihanna

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Saturday, July 8, 2006

10:47PM - day two still

hehehehe i'm now sitting in bed with my laptop... I'M A NERD.... hehehe well atleast that's what my boyfriend thinks.. who's sitting next to me with his laptop... anyway..

i'm back home now... yay..

it's was a great nite...

Current mood: nerdy

Current music: nothing... keeping quiet

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5:52PM - day two

today is saturday... i had work from 8.30AM nothing new.. (i work every saturday) the day was slow and boring... stupid customers buying things i only wishing i could aford... like lcd tv's and plasma's and big ones... :( lol.. not that i need to buy one...our house mate has an lcd tv big 38" it's pretty cool... but anyway... work was boring... but i got through... i'm just waiting now for our new house mate.. (he moves in today) he's parents kicked him out cos of who he is dating... (that's so wrong i hate parents like that..) anyway he's a good kid so he's moving in... ummm... yeh tonight i'm off to a work dinner... 3 people are leaving our store... jemima- she'll be back she's just have a child.. (so cute) carra - she's leaving cos our boss is a dickhead and she get sick of hayden who's the third one leaving;... lol.. he got a better job...

it's gonna be a funny nite... everyone is crazy and most of them are drinking... *hand up* not me.. no way... when i drink i talk and i tell everyone my past... no one needs to know my past... to many people do already..

anyway... i'm now just sitting on my couch with my new laptop (got it yesterday) on my lap... it's so big... widescreen laptop... i'm so lucky... lol...

hmm yeah... that's all really...

i can't think of anything else to say...
so i wont nite all have a good day/night where ever you are....

Current mood: okay

Current music: yellowcard - Anywhere But Here

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Friday, July 7, 2006

10:02PM - HELLO ALL

hey al i'm new to this so it may take me awhile to get back into the groove of writing everything again...

i've had a well shittie and good day.. been stressed the last few days my boyfriend is sick... bad sick... he keeps getting headaches.. i made him see a doctor today and they made him have a ct scan (scan of the head)
well we found out next week...

plus work was crap.. and then i got my hair done (yay straight hair) now i'm at my boyfriends work... he finishes in a few minutes and then i can go home... YAY... and sleep...

i'm so looking forward to sleep... :) yep...

i have work again tomorrow joy.. and a work do after work...

Current mood: tired

Current music: bethany lenz

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